He rubs it and instantly, a genie appears. Instantly, the car appears on the beach. Discover the fascinating origins of seven classic jokes. Growing up with a curious younger brother and a sharp-eared dad led to some memorable conversations as a teenager. One afternoon, I decided to clean a purse of mine by throwing it into the washing machine—spring cleaning and all that.
A farmer sees a chicken strutting across a rural highway. In other words, how many chicken does it take to change a light bulb? Submitted by Isaac Sargent. I was staying in a hotel where the towels were so thick that I could hardly close my suitcase. Curious, he went to the store and handed the ticket to the owner, who headed to the back of the store before reappearing.
A Dubliner proposes to his girlfriend on St. Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor. Why would you post that sign? I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit himself.
Submitted by Christina Melton. Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? Submitted by Janet Winkler. A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. The businessman asks for a Coke. Give me my scotch!
Later, they order an other round. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon. George ignored her and walked away. Submitted by Chuck Welch. Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.
Submitted by Fred Meckley. A man is recovering from a minor surgery when a nurse comes in to check on him. Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out. A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Do you want to get a drink? Q: What do you call twin police officers? A: Copies.
Submitted by Tyler Meason. The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens. A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. I kill their plants and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you? What is my relationship deal breaker?
Being broken up with. Submitted by Jennifer Estlin. Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up and addressed the congregation. I had only that single dollar, and I had to make a decision: Give it to his worthy cause or keep it. So I gave him all the money I had. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a millionaire today. Change is inevitable , except from a vending machine.
Submitted by Robert Gallagher. I was at a Canadian Tire, chatting with the young woman at the till.
I started a couple of weeks ago. I was driving my three-year-old granddaughter, Nevaeh, to daycare one morning after a heavy snowfall. Violators will be extracted. My father-in-law, Paul, lives on a farm near Wynyard, Sask. Years back, a group of hunters from the United States came up to shoot some birds.
During their visit, they noticed a flatbed of manure nearby. Can I join you? Submitted by Ken MacKay. Submitted by Andre Batista.
After working late one evening, I stopped at the drive-through on my way home. I approached the speaker and placed my order: a Big Mac, large fries and a chocolate shake. Young children have a unique superpower: place a toddler in a queen-sized bed and they will find a sleeping position that ensures no one else can fit in there with them.
Submitted by Rita Hickey. A little boy was sitting beside me in the hospital waiting room. Me: I brought some books for us to read. Submitted by Chelsea Larson. Choose from these LOL-worthy jokes about marriage. I was mugged twice last year.
The odds of getting mugged once are 1 in The odds of getting mugged twice are 1 in 2, The odds that I got mugged twice last year because I look like the kind of guy that would calculate those odds? One in 1. Submitted by Dan Upham. I have always been a disappointment.
When I was five years old, I looked down at the crayons I was colouring with and sighed: When I was two, this was not what I saw myself doing at five. Submitted by Eric Lyden. As an assisted -living caregiver, I have a year-old client, Margaret, with whom I bake cookies. During one visit, we were both busy with this task when the phone rang. At a job review, my boss told me this year the company would compensate for inflation but that additional raises would be considered on a case-by-case basis.
I took that as my cue to outline my expanded role, and listed my actions and achievements. Submitted by Joni Krats.
Working in a library, one of the tasks we have to do twice a week is call patrons about their overdue items. Submitted by Joyce Tenhage. These corny Star Wars jokes are funny for every occasion. Submitted by Franklin P. One day my two children, year-old Matt and year-old Mitch, were having an argument. While working the beverage cart at the local golf course, a customer asked me if I could go back to the previous green to see if she had left her sandwich there.
I had spent some time looking for a sandwich on the grass, when a golfer asked me if someone had lost a sand wedge. Submitted by C. Submitted by Casey Johnston. One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office.
These funny work cartoons will get your through the week. Originally Published on sitename.
But those moments never last for too long. Your brain is still developing. You are still developing. And the worst thing you can be right now is stagnant. To relax. And to take a brief break from frantically dashing toward the future.